A few weeks ago I was sitting outside the office with a good friend, chatting about our children. He mentioned that his youngest had recently been accepted into Appalachian State University. While he was excited for him to experience the book learning that comes with a university education, he also didn’t want him to take for granted the real-world learning that should accompany it.

One of his first lessons was on the power of building relationship and how important that will eventually be to his success in business and, ultimately, in life.

As I reflect on that lesson and on my own personal and professional journey, I am truly grateful that I took it to heart. If I leave nothing else as a legacy for my children, it would be this.

I think about the Maya Angelou quote often as it relates to how I interact with all people. Angelou said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

It’s one thing to have a huge list of people in your Rolodex, Outlook contacts, or followers on LinkedIn. But if you don’t have real relationships with them, what value are they really?

When I stood at my desk during the first week of January, after trying to heal from the hurt of what happened with the Chamber and trying to figure out what was next for me and my career, one of the first things I did was turn to those relationships. Those people that I hoped wouldn’t forget not just what I said or what I did, but how I made them feel.

So I created a spreadsheet: first name, last name, and organization. I didn’t worry about phone numbers or emails at first. In my initial pass, I came up with a list of more than 65 names. Once I filled in the contact information and started reaching out, I scheduled more than 30 meetings in two weeks.

Turns out, those people didn’t forget how I made them feel.

One great example was Sonya and Jenn, co-owners of Up10 Solutions. Nearly eight years ago, when I was working for an association management company, they reached out to brainstorm an idea they had for a new business. Even though their potential business might compete with our AMC, I took the meeting. Why? Because they were friends, and I cared about their success. They mattered to me.

And guess whose names were on that list.

When I arranged the meeting with Sonya and Jenn earlier this year, I was still in “figuring it out” mode. But by the time the meeting actually happened, I had decided to start Tying It Together Consulting. Hopefully there will now be opportunities for us to work together and perhaps refer business to each other.

Was that my end game when I met with them eight years ago? Absolutely not.
Was I hoping to get something out of the relationship back then? Absolutely not.

But that’s exactly the point when it comes to building relationships. It’s not about what you get; it’s about what you give. If you go into building a relationship with the goal of what you hope to get, you’re approaching it with the wrong mindset.

It truly is better to give than to receive. And in giving, you will often receive more than you ever expected.

My list is now up to more than 120 names, and I’ve honestly lost count of the number of meetings I’ve had with individuals I’ve built relationships with over the last 25 years of my career.

We will always be about people in the association space—whether it’s our members, staff, boards, committees, or volunteers. If you want to build something that lasts, never forget the human part.

Relationships aren’t just networking. They’re legacy.